|"Alien Landing" Art by TET|
Late 2010 I was getting chest pains but couldn't see a specialist until February 2011 who promptly hooked me up to an ECG, sent me off for an ultrasound of my heart and had me do a heart stress test (which involves being wired to a machine and walking very quickly on a treadmill). Results were 'nothing'. Everything normal. I'm fit - apparently.
Since they found nothing I'm thinking, maybe the aliens have got to me with some kind of undetectable implant that's causing chest pains every time it broadcasts back to the mother ship? Don't believe me? Well, I'll continue...
Recently I've been getting cramps in the lower left side of my abdomen that have varied in intensity. Not excruciatingly painful but enough to raise some alarm bells and get me off to the doctor.
After doing the obligatory urine test - which came out normal - my doctor sent me off for a blood test and an Ultrasound scan of my abdomen.
The blood test was done by a nurse, who I swear you could replace with a robot and probably get a better standard of 'bedside' (or in this case 'chair-side') manor. I think she might be one of the aliens? The test revealed a potential problem with something in my liver but not something that would cause cramping.
The Ultrasound of my abdomen revealed nothing out of the ordinary either - well it also picked up some minor problem with my liver that I've apparently had since birth but has nothing to do with the cramps I've been getting.
Not finding much of anything relating to the cramps my doctor again sent me off for a CT scan of my lower torso. This was the first time I've had CT scan and I have to say, whatever that stuff is they inject you with that sends a warm flush through your whole body, I'll have every night just before I go to bed. Better than a hot chocolate on a cold winters night. The technician made it sound like that injection was going to have bad effects... but I digress.
Not surprisingly the CT scan showed a potential problem with my liver (nothing to be concerned about just yet but possibly something to check in a few months time for comparison) and came up blank on the cramps issue. No sign of an infection... nothing.
My conclusion is, the Aliens are definitely watching us. You see, this cramping in the lower left of my abdomen is obviously another undetectable alien implant causing pains every time it beams information back to the mother ship.
Aliens must be monitoring my every move but I'm onto them. It's the only rational explanation I can think of when, even big, expensive machines can't find anything wrong with you.
Well I'm pretty sure that's what it is anyway.