Skip to main content

The Star Wars Saga: Episode II, Attack of the Clones *All Spoilers*

Continuing my series of posts, as one of my local TV stations shows every Star Wars movie in order, every Saturday, for the next six weeks leading up to the release of Star Wars, Episode VII, The Force Awakens, here is my response to and thoughts on Star Wars, Episode II, Attack of the Clones.

After The Phantom Menace I just wasn't interested in seeing Episode II in the cinema. I don't think I made any effort to see it or even had any anticipation for it's release.



To be perfectly honest, it wasn't because Episode 1 was particularly bad, it just didn't have any of my favorite characters in it. Specifically Han Solo and Chewbacca.

I was also a huge Boba Fett fan, but I didn't know at the time he was even in Episode II, such was my disinterest in the film. When the film was shown on free to air TV the first time I did find this out but it was kid Boba Fett and a Clone Army of Jango Fett's kind of ruined Boba Fett's uniqueness. Even though, technically Boba Fett didn't have bits of his brain (or whatever they take out of the clones) missing to make him compliant and easy to control.

George Lucas, I seem to recall, once described Episode II as a love story. Which, I suspect, is why I failed to sit through it upon first viewing on free to air TV. This was my first introduction to Hayden Christensen as an actor and all I can remember is I just wanted to punch him in the face in the hope he would go away. His Anakin Skywalker was such a whiny, ungrateful, brat (with a face like a smacked baby's ass - which is my favorite expression for anyone who looks unhappy without good cause).

His character and performance alone completely killed any flickering flame of Star Wars fandom I had left. When Episode III came out I had no interest at all in seeing it. Not even on free to air TV.

I'm sure by now many people have picked these movies to death. It's really not that hard to see the shortcomings. After finally sitting through the entire movie for the first time last Saturday here's what stood out to me...

  • R2 D2 Ten years older and still not old tech. The movie is set 10 years after Episode 1 and R2 D2 was already looking well worn then. I know droids in this universe have full autonomy but they're still subservient and built for a purpose. If R2 isn't already an antique he definitely will be by Episode VII.
     
  • After Senator Padmé Amidala's fairly slow and uneventful arrival on Coruscant, we get a moment of action when her ship is blown up on the platform, followed by the usual Jedi council rabble spouting uninteresting politics and a flaky premise of having a Jedi guard the former Queen simply because Ben is available. Guess most of her entourage must've been blown up.
     
  • Anakin, on first reuniting with Senator Padmé, despite her recognizing him and remembering him as the little boy from Tatooine, Anakin says almost immediately, to Jar Jar that the Senator didn't even recognize him and had forgotten who he is. I mean, what the? Did anybody even proof read this script? It's like he expects her to remember him from the last year or so ago even though this is their first ten year reunion.
     
  • Ten years later, Anakin still hasn't gone back for his mother... he doesn't call, he never writes... you're mother's a slave dude... you couldn't at least get someone to go and look out for her?
     
  • Ben Kenobi just jumps straight out of a upper story window to grab a very small assassin droid. Could he not like, use the force to bring it inside or something? I mean, in Episode V Darth Vader rips whole structures out of place and throws them a Luke with the force.
     
  • Anakin must jump out of cars a lot because Ben says he hates it when he does that. Perhaps they should get a flying car with a roof?
     
  • Anakin whining to Senator Padmé and getting angry about how Kenobi is holding him back even though he's barely spent any time with her to be this familiar. Already the relationship looks a bit creepy and it's beyond me how a former Queen could find Anakin even remotely attractive when he's showing this level of immaturity.
     
  • Kira Knightly really dodged a bullet playing a less than memorable role in both this and the previous film as the queen's personal assistant. Seriously, I never knew she was in these movies until I started writing these blog posts. You'll never hear her say "When I worked on Star Wars..."
     
  • Ben couldn't deduce for himself that information could be erased from the Jedi Archive but a child Jedi in training almost immediately suggests it. Apparently only a Jedi can delete info from the archive. Not even Yoda can think of who and needs time to ponder it.
     
  • I don't understand how the clone army can be under construction for nearly ten years without any contact from the Jedi that commissioned them. Particularly since that guy died and it seems nobody bothered to cancel the order. Must have paid for it all in advance?
     
  • Anakin's first kiss scene on Naboo... creepy as!
     
  • Anakin's grasp of politics isn't too sharp as he describes exactly what politics is as an alternative to the status quo. Clearly Padmé isn't into Anakin for his intelligence. Really bad CGI of Anakin riding a... whatever that Naboo creature is?
     
  • Over an hour in and no real action since the senator's space ship was blown up. Bouncing from one dialogue scene to another. Probably why I couldn't watch this all the way through for a long time. Just plain boring.
     
  • Anakin says he will do anything the Senator asks - "How about leave me alone you whiney dick". That's pretty much what she's saying through out the whole scene.
     
  • Some how Yoda realizes their ability to use the force has been diminished. How? It's an energy property of the universe that doesn't have a power dial that can be turned up and down. Is his midi-chlorian count down?
     
  • Obi Wan attacks Jango for no apparent reason other than he suspects him of being involved in the plot to kill the senator. Way to go peacemaker!
     
  • Kind of cool spaceship battle between Jango and Kenobi in an asteroid field but we've seen a better one already in Empire.
     
  • C3 PO already working for Uncle Owen, yet in Star Wars Owen has no memory of having owned a similar droid previously. Even worse, C3 PO has no memory of Owen. Must be too many languages in his brain circuits to remember such a fun fact? No wait... didn't George Lucas once say the whole saga was intended to be told from C3 PO and R2 D2's point of view - That's why they're in every movie.
     
  • Anakin going postal on the Tusken Raiders after the death of his mother... should have gone after her sooner, I mean geez it's been 10 years.
     
  • Apparently Yoda can sense Anakin in pain as he massacres Sand People on Tatooine even with diminished force ability.
     
  • Oh God, Droid factory is the computer game sequence of the film. R2 Literally pushes C3 PO into danger. Whole sequence is pointless and does nothing to really advance the plot. It feels like Star Wars Mario Brothers.
     
  • Colosseum execution sequence and battle is probably one of the most memorable parts of this film simply for the sheer scale of it with so much going on. Certainly when I think of this film I think of all the Jedi warriors brandishing light sabers and being surrounded in a brief stale mate. It's also one of the reasons I dislike the film. There's nothing exhilarating about watching lots of people using light sabers.
     
  • Senator Padmé using a blaster is pretty awesome, not least because she's actually pretty accurate. She should start a business teaching Stormtroopers to shoot straight.
     
  • Yoda fighting Count Dooku is pretty cool but does loose some of its edge because we've kind of OD'ed on light sabers at this point.
     
After the Yoda/Dooku battle I'd kind of had enough of this film. It runs for about three hours once you put commercials in it.

I'm also confused because it appears to me that both the Separatist armies and the Clone Armies are actually controlled by Darth Sidious? Except I don't actually care because whatever Darth Sidious has going on it's the least interesting sub plot of the prequels... boring political game playing.

At least I can now say I've watched it all the way through. I will concede that Hayden had to contend with a poorly written script in terms of the romance aspect. George Lucas just can't write romance.

To me Anakin comes across as a classic case of a future domestic violence perpetrator. He's just too intense and inappropriate with his emotions around Senator Padmé and I still don't buy that a highly intelligent, worldly former Queen would fall for his BS.

Comments

Post a Comment

Comments not directly related to the post will be deleted. This includes spammy generic comments with links to websites not related to the post.

Popular posts from this blog

BEILEXING Autocycle Style ABS Cartoon Building Brick - 378pcs - COLORMIX - Motorcycle kit Product Review

The first time I saw the Beilexing Brick Motorcycle Kit I thought it was nothing short of stunning. I'm not even a fan of motorcycles in general but the detail of this set and how much it captured the spirit of a real world motorcycle really impressed me.

Then I saw the set cost considerably less than a similar sized kit from the Lego Technic range I just couldn't pass it up.

When the kit arrived it did not disappoint. Made from ABS plastic the bricks are fully compatible with, and are of comparable quality to, official Lego bricks. I did notice that the tires and chain links seemed a little less sturdy than their Lego equivalents but beyond that you'd be hard pressed to say the quality of the parts wasn't almost as good.

The model is 35.00 x 10.00 x 6.00 cm / 13.78 x 3.94 x 2.36 inches in size and should be no trouble for intermediate to advanced builders to construct with a clear, and easy to follow instruction manual.

A sheet of decals is included for you to stick …

Yukino Yukinoshita Figurine Cartoon Figure Doll Model Desk Ornament Toy Gift - MULTI-A - Product Review

I must admit I was not familiar with the Anime character Yukino Yukinoshita, from the Japanese book and TV series My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU. I bought this figure because I was browsing for one that looked similar to an Anime avatar my partner used for a time on social media.


What actually sealed the deal for me to purchase, aside from how similar the character looked, was the little panda (Pan-san) with the black star eye, which I felt gave the whole figurine set a bit of an edgy look.

When my purchase arrived I was pleasantly surprised by the quality and detail. Having since discovered the Anime TV series the figure is based upon I can say it's a fairly faithful depiction of Yukino.

Standing (or is that sitting?) at 14.00 x 15.00 x 14.00 cm / 5.51 x 5.91 x 5.51 inches the figure is an ideal size for displaying on a desk or bookshelf without taking up too much room. The 1/8 scale allows for a good level of detail, particularly in the characters clothing which, despite being P…

Virtual Reality Addiction Meets Online Shopping and Death!

I'm certainly not the first person to predict the idea of immersive virtual worlds. Movies like Tron (1982) and The Lawnmower Man (1992) are two of the earliest popular culture references to the concept I can think of, off the top of my head. Then of course there is The Matrix (1999) where the VR world idea really hit the mainstream big time.

However, back in early 2005, the practice of online shopping, with real money, for digital products in virtual worlds like Second Life (which was more cutting edge back then) began to meld in my mind with the idea of corporations controlling that experience through marketing and advertising.

Robot Uprising: Patrolling Your Home, Garden and Now The Streets!

Many people think of the inevitable Robot Uprising as a humanoid, Terminator like, robot army, wielding laser guns, hunting us down in some kind of distant future, human Armageddon. What they don't realize is that the robot armies are already taking shape, albeit in a much more passive aggressive form.

I've previously documented the Roomba as the first wave of mass produced robots surveilling your home under the guise of being a floor vacuum.

These irritating devices are supposed to quietly work away in the background while you perform Yoga poses in peaceful bliss but are actually noisy enough to attract your attention and... why does the thing keep missing that one spot in the middle of the floor but has cleaned the same corner four times already!

Halloween - The Door-to-Door Salesperson of Holidays

Halloween isn't really a thing in Australia but over the years it's been gaining momentum thanks to variety and party hire stores that stock up on all things spooky for the occasion.

I dread Halloween every year because I never know if this is going to be the year some wide eyed group of costumed up kids is going to knock on the door and yell 'Trick or Treat' at me. A truly scary thought.

Halloween is a fantastic idea for a holiday, completely ruined by the tradition of going door to door for treats. If you or your family does this, I sincerely hope you never knock on the door of houses that a) You've never met the owner in any capacity and, b) are clearly not participating in the festivities demonstrated by their lack of any Halloween decorations at all.

If you're like me you probably hate door-to-door salespeople, a practice that has thankfully decreased but is still employed by phone and power companies from time to time. There's nothing worse than peop…

Super Sonico Cartoon Sitting Girl with Swimsuit Model Toy - RED - Product Review

I was not familiar with the Anime character Super Sonico created by Tsuji Santa of the Japanese computer and video game software company, Nitroplus, as the mascot for Nitroplus' annual live music festival event "Nitro Super Sonico".

I was actually looking through the GearBest website for another Anime character and liked the look of this particular display figure enough to add it to my cart. (It also helped that the figure was on sale at a significant email only discount at the time).

This particular version of the character features Sonico dressed in her Santa Cape and Swim Suit  complete with holiday trimmings. The hood/cape can also be removed and replaced with Sonico's headphone wire and trademark, long pink hair.

When my purchase arrived I was pleasantly surprised by the quality and detail. Having since discovered the Anime character (and also TV series) the figure is based upon I can say it's a fairly faithful depiction of Super Sonico.

Standing (or is tha…

Kevin Smith's Tusk (2014) and Yoga Hosers (2016) - Movie Review *Very Minor Spoilers*

It may seem somewhat redundant to be talking about Tusk and Yoga Hosers four and two years after their respective release dates but there is still one more movie to come (Moose Jaws) in Kevin Smith's True North trilogy so you're going to want to revisit or view them for the first time at some stage before that film (if you have any interest in it of course).

Both films are not highly regarded by critics and probably polarize even Kevin Smith fans since they're not exactly along the lines of Clerks but you can see some pretty broad hints of Smith's leanings toward weird comedy horror in Red State.

Even Kevin uses these two films as self deprecating punching bags for his film career. It's not that he thinks they're bad films, he just recognizes the silly weirdness doesn't give them broad appeal and therefore they often get poor reviews.

Full disclosure, I'm a Kevin Smith fan but, whilst I've been wanting to see both of these movies for a while, Kevin…